The Wiki Series
by westwingwolf
Summary: Chloe and Lex decide to have some fun with Wikipedia. Chlex. Rated M for mature subjects being discussed but really nothing more than T. Some characters are mocked in this story, do not read if you like Lana.
1. WikiBattle

This story is based off a real life event and some discussion in the shoutbox over at NS. I'd like to thank Avalanche, nonky, skauble, somethingeasy, and superag for their participation and making this all possible. Anything that is recognizable does not belong to me and belongs to whoever owns it.

WikiBattle

The addiction started off really slow as all addictions do. First, she just needed to check a quick fact. Then she was reading paragraphs on anything from state information to characters' biographies. Finally, it got to the point where if anything crossed her mind, she'd have to look it up on Wikipedia.

She decided she was okay with that. It didn't mean that there was anything wrong with her. Millions of people went to the site every day. Millions of people who spoke in different languages.

And when she started to correct spelling or grammatical errors on pages, there was nothing wrong with that. Sometimes she added some information that had been missed. Eventually, she created a few articles of her own. They were really important articles that just for some reason or another hadn't made their way to the masses yet. It was nothing trivial like that article about a cow named Bessie written by a farmer who seemed to be a little too into the cow.

But she had to admit that she might have crossed the line one night when Lex had her editor kill one of her stories. His contribution to the paper was too important to risk upsetting him was what she was told. It wasn't that the story would be damaging to LuthorCorp. He hadn't done anything illegal or immoral, he just didn't want the facts of his latest project out before he had a chance to do so himself. Control freak.

Chloe knew that his reasons were justified, but it was the first story she had in a while that could have gotten her above the fold, so she was pissed. Pissed enough to visit Lex's Wikipedia article.

* * *

Lex was a busy man. He could think of a dozen things that needed to be done in any one minute. But it was at times when he was his busiest, that he just wanted to waste time. It was during one of these moments that he indulged in a guilty pleasure. The big thing used to be that people would Google themselves, and maybe they still did, but now the trend was to Wiki yourself.

He told himself that it was important to know what the world valued him for. To know which of his vast achievements were good enough or well known enough to get a mention. Truth was it was just a thrill to find oneself on the internet, and usually since the average person couldn't have an article about himself, Wikipedia offered an even greater thrill. He ignored that damn article about the cows.

While perusing the latest additions to his article including his latest business deal with Wayne Enterprises, his eye caught the attention of something out of place in the current segment of his biography.

_Lex dresses up as Mr. Gosh from "Lenore, the Cute Little Dead Girl" every Halloween._

Lex was absolutely floored. Why would anyone write that? He didn't celebrate Halloween. But who even knew that he actually like the demented little cartoon? Or that he did have a soft spot for the hopelessly romantic, bald sock puppet? He only told one person. Of course. Chloe. She was probably upset about her article. She had to know that he wouldn't want his newest project out in the open before he had a chance to do so. That's why she was getting back at him in this childish manner. He made a quick call down to his computer minions just to check that he was correct in his assumption. Five minutes later it was confirmed that the IP address belonged to one Chloe Sullivan.

He could handle the silly prank. He wouldn't even delete the sentence because it wasn't as if it did any real damage to him. Might have even made him seem slightly human. But that didn't mean that he wasn't willing to enact in a little vengeance. The trick was to be perfectly fair and then go just a little beyond.

He found Chloe's article which consisted mainly of her involvement in his father's trial and her first time around as a Daily Planet columnist with a tiny blurb about her once again working at the DP. Lex had on his trademark smirk as he typed out the newest addition to her article.

* * *

The next day Chloe was feeling better after her little antic. She decided she'd let the sentence stay up for a day or so and then delete it if it hadn't already been done so. She had just sat down at her desk and was in the process of calling up the page when Natalie, a fellow intern, stopped by.

"I'm sending you my therapy bills."

Chloe was surprised by this choice of hello. She barely knew Natalie. Didn't know she was in therapy and had no idea why it would be her fault. "What?"

"That song wouldn't leave my head for a week. You'll be hearing from my lawyer," and with that, Natalie left before Chloe could get any more details.

Chloe decided it was best to just ignore the girl, whatever her problem was she didn't have any legitimacy to her claims.

She quickly found that no one had edited Lex's page. She didn't know if it was sadder to think that no one cared enough to look at his page or that he would never know her joke and be appropriately embarrassed. Not that she thought he could get embarrassed and especially not by her stupid gag.

Then she thought about what Natalie had said. Something in her gut told her to check her own page.

_Chloe is the creator of the annoying "Llama Song" as seen on YouTube._

So there was her answer. Lex had seen what she wrote and had risen to the challenge. Well, she wasn't one to back down so soon.

* * *

Lex checked his watch and figured that by now Chloe had seen his response and would up the ante on his article. Sure enough, just below the part about Mr. Gosh, was her latest addendum.

_Lex shaved his dog because he was jealous of the dog's beautiful fur coat._

Next to the sentence was a picture of what appeared to be a Siberian husky with a terrible hair cut.

Well if she was going to attack his baldness, then he was going to hit back at her writing.

* * *

_Chloe loves to read and write Transformers smut fanfiction._

Okay she would admit to writing fanfiction and even smutty fanfiction. Several people would consider it healthy to enjoy a foray of reading and writing about fictional characters and imagining them in ways that often their creators were too stupid to think about. But she drew the line at characters that probably wouldn't be anatomically correct.

Lex was going to pay dearly for this.

* * *

He did not enjoy watching Muppet porn. He had never even heard of _Tickle Me Harder_. And there was definitely no way that he'd watch it. Regular porn was just fine for him.

That was it. He had to think of something inspired. And he knew just what to do.

* * *

Chloe could not believe the lengths that Lex went to with his latest trick. Not only did he pair her off with a fictional Chip Luthor. He went so far as to even explain that Chip was his half-uncle, born out of an affair between his grandfather and a society dame shortly before Lionel was born. Chloe seemed to be attracted to his quiet nature and his array of snazzy golf shirts.

She didn't want to have to go this far, she even thought it was too easy, but Lex had left her no choice.

* * *

Chloe had no idea why there were reporters lined up outside of her apartment, but apparently they wanted to speak with her. She checked her Wiki article and found that nothing had been added since the last day. Thankfully, she had experience in giving people the slip so she was able to sneak out and make it to work. More reporters were situated outside the DP office. Luckily, security was able to shield her away from the people shouting questions to her. There were so many that she couldn't even hear what they were asking. Not that it mattered once she had managed to get inside the lobby and security had locked the doors.

She had barely turned away from the doors when Cat Grant, the Planet's gossip columnist, had rushed to her side. "Jesus, Sullivan, the least you could have done is told your coworkers. I wouldn't have done much. Just a tasteful story in my column. I'm sure Perry would have even allowed a nice spread. I know the big story is already out in the open, but maybe we can still do an exclusive interview. I promise the questions won't be prying…much. Let me know what you think. We'll do lunch."

Before Chloe could ask what was happening, Perry had yelled for her from just outside his office.

"Look, Perry, I have no idea what's going on so if someone could explain it to me…" She trailed off once she realized that Perry wasn't alone. "What is Lex doing here?"

"Maybe you could explain that, kid. It seems that someone reported that the two of you were married last week in a private ceremony on a Skinny Pig farm. Why the hell would anyone want to get married around a bunch of hairless guinea pigs?"

Lex chose that moment to speak. "Really Chloe, you could have asked first, or at least waited for me to ask."

Chloe glared at him before turning back to her boss. "I didn't write that. I wrote that Lex wears a spandex bodysuit around his office after he closes a deal."

Perry collapsed in his chair and let his head fall into his hands. "What is wrong with you people?"

Lex chose to ignore the question and decide how to handle the situation. "The Planet can issue a statement that this entire debacle was an internet hoax, and to make up for all the trouble that it's caused I'll give Ms. Sullivan an exclusive interview to replace the story that she was forced to drop before."

Perry nodded and went to tell someone to get started on the hoax. He was grateful to avoid whatever crazy plot these two had gotten themselves into this time.

As soon as he was gone, Chloe turned to Lex. "So how did you know I always dreamed of being married at a Skinny Pig farm?"

"I didn't, but I will keep that in mind for the future." With that, he left her alone in the office.

Chloe wasn't going to let Lex win, but she could wait until the perfect time for her revenge. She knew sometime in the future Lex would be trumped when he learned through Wikipedia that he had fathered her child.

The End.


	2. WikiBaby

Disclaimers in Chapter 1.

WikiBaby

"Chloe!" was the shout that could be heard from Lex's office in the apartment.

"What?!' was the reply that came from where said Chloe was lying on the couch reading a copy of the Daily Planet.

Lex entered the living room and stared down his wife until she felt uncomfortable and chose to look in his eyes. "I thought we agreed to stop this."

"Stop what?" she asked with her best 'who me?' smile.

"Don't play innocent. We both know neither of us could be described as such. I thought we agreed to stop Wikiing."

Chloe had been waiting for Lex to search his article for a couple of days now. She tried to trick him back into his weakness by asking him random questions about centuries old events. Unfortunately, he had all the answers in his head. The encyclopedia wonder freak. She finally got him on the site by asking about the mating habits of wolves. She had a feeling he already knew about it but was looking it up so he wouldn't seem weird about knowing mating habits of different animals. Either way, she got her desired result.

However, she wasn't about to make this easy for him. Where would the fun in that be? So instead she led him down the path of misdirection. "Who was the person who chose to write on Superman's page that his Fortress of Solitude is made of ice dildos or that Martha has a dildo made of Kryptonite?"

"The ice dildo thing is technically the truth. And I wasn't the one who wrote that Lana is into necrophilia."

"She spends an awful lot of time at the cemetery just to talk to her parents. Besides, she brought it on herself. Who in the world would care that she once co-owned a stupid coffee shop in a small town? Even if the other co-owner was you. Plus, I doubt Lana knows what necrophilia is, and I wasn't the one who insisted that she had squirrel DNA."

"Again, I still think that's the truth. But I may have gone too far with the idea that she carries around a dead Muppet baby keychain."

"Well, you would be an expert on all things Muppet."

"You were the one who actually wanted to do indecent acts to that Beaker Muppet."

"Like you didn't enjoy it."

"That's enough. I thought we agreed that all additions to our pages would stop after you posted that Chip's mother was actually my great aunt."

"How else was I supposed to explain my relationship to him which you created? I was merely being a friend to him. It's not my fault that your family was so embarrassed to have an incestuous offspring that you hid him in the attic. I just wanted him to know that he had someone who cared enough to visit and make a paper garden for him."

"V.C. Andrews would be so proud."

She ignored Lex's sarcasm in order to get him back on track. "What is the problem?"

"You swore to me that after I bought you that ridiculous creature, you wouldn't write any more lies on my page."

"Don't call Stu ridiculous, he has feelings." She looked over at the cage were the Skinny Pig was currently pushing around his favorite red toy truck. He appeared to be happy and hadn't heard what his 'daddy' had called him. "You know you love him or else you wouldn't have bought him that cute cowboy hat."

"I just was trying to make you happy by making him happy."

"Is that why you insisted that he needed the perfect mate?" She tilted her head over to the other cage where a blonde guinea pig was currently bathing her litter. The pet shop employee had given them a strange look when Lex insisted that Stu would be the one to choose his own mate. Stu had scurried pass all the dark furred guinea pigs to stop in front of the blonde who would later be named Nosy. When he went up to sniff her out, she bit him. However, that hadn't discouraged Stu. He refused to leave her alone until she relented, at which point he mounted her, which is why they were currently being kept in separate cages. Once Ben and Mandy were older, they would let Stu have a few moments with his beloved again. For now, the truck kept him satisfied.

"Yes, I couldn't let him be all alone."

Chloe gave him the soft smile which he knew meant that she was happy to see the incredibly sweet side of her husband that no one else witnessed. He immediately answered her smile with a scowl which made her laugh.

"To answer your observation from before, I didn't lie."

"If you didn't lie, then that would mean that what you wrote on my Wiki page is true."

"It's comments like this which is why people think I married you for your money and not your brains."

"You're pregnant?"

"Well, don't you believe everything you read on Wikipedia?"

"I don't know, some of the stuff I read on there is blatantly false."

"And some of it will be true but just hasn't happened yet, like how Matthew Perry ended up marrying that girl that he was reported to have married. They weren't married at the time, but now they are and are living happily in Los Angeles with their Siberian husky named Brock. And it was all thanks to a false sentence on Wikipedia."

"So you're saying that you aren't pregnant but you want to be? Then we better get started." He pulled her off the sofa and started to drag her to the bedroom.

"No, Lex that isn't necessary."

"Okay, we can start here," with that he pulled her back to the sofa.

"No, I mean it's not necessary because what I wrote is true. We are going to have a baby."

"That's incredible!"

"You're not upset? Because before you seemed like you might be upset."

"No, I was upset because I thought you were lying and I didn't want it to be a lie. This is great. We're going to be parents. For real this time, and not just parents to some furry or non-furry rodents."

"Shush Lex! I told you they have feelings."

"I'm sorry." When she didn't seem to be pleased by his apology, he turned towards the cages. "Stu, Nosy, Ben, Mandy, I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you and buy you all new hats."

"That's sweet Lex, but you can't buy their love and forgiveness with hats."

"I know. I'll throw in some sweaters and costumes as well." Upon Chloe's look of annoyance he said, "What?! You were the one who bought Stu a mini tuxedo and Nosy a mini wedding dress."

"You know what I mean."

"Fine, I'll hold them and pet them every day. Now, can we please start talking about our human baby? I wonder what the gender will be."

"I don't know, but whether it's a boy or girl, they can still wear that purple tutu with the glitter that you have for special occasions."

"You know I don't own a tutu."

"No, but by tomorrow everyone will think you do." Laughing, she ran into his office with Lex chasing after her.

The End.


	3. WikiBigotry

Disclaimers in Part 1.

WikiBigotry

"Chloe!"

"What!"

"Come here!"

"Lex, I'm seven months pregnant. Think about who should be the one to make a move." Nothing else was said and Lex made the short journey from the office to their bedroom.

At this stage in her pregnancy, she was resting comfortably with he firm round belly in view for the world to see. She had made a nesting area on the bed. Her laptop was in reach right next to her. Various chips and cookies bags were piled on the opposite side as was fresh cut broccoli and her choice of French onion dip, French dressing or chocolate sauce. Bottles of orange juice, milk, and water were lined up on the side table. She wished she could have coffee, but Lex refused to bring her any and only conceded that she could have the chocolate sauce for her milk.

Chloe had decided early on that she wasn't going to be one of those idiotic starlets who worried about their weight and tried not to gain too much or choose to slim down as quickly as possible. She was watching Maury Povich, and some idiot guest thought she was five months pregnant but hadn't gained any weight. The woman turned out not to be pregnant. All Chloe could think was either the woman was stupid for not catching on, or she was purposely neglecting the pregnancy and therefore knew exactly why she hadn't gained a pound.

She wanted to do this pregnancy right and who cared if she didn't return to her original weight after the baby was born. Lex was incredibly pleased by her curvier figure, and she was certain that he was already calculating just how long he had to wait before he could get her pregnant again. He was going to have to wait a couple of years or else he wouldn't get the chance to even try again.

"Your every wish is my command. I live to serve only you my darling. My heart stops beating the moment you speak my name and does not beat again until you give it permission."

She made no effort to resist her eye roll. "Stop being a jackass. You were the one who wanted me, so what is so urgent."

"They want to delete my article!" Despite the closeness that she shared with her husband and how much she was the only person in the world who could understand him, she did not have a clue as to what he was talking about at times like this.

"Ok seeing as how I'm a journalist, I'll ask two of the five important questions: Who? and What?"

"The WikiNazis on Wikipedia. They are trying to delete my article about Stu. They say it's not relevant, and I can't back it up with secondary sources or some nonsense like that."

"Should you really be referring to them as Nazis if all they want is to delete an article? There's hardly a strong comparison."

"Chloe, you are missing the point."

"Right, help me to see the point again."

"An article about Stu is relevant, and they have no right to say it isn't."

At this point Lex was pacing back and forth while gesturing wildly, so Chloe reached out her hand to make him sit down next to her. Once he had done so, she put her are around his back and put her head into his chest. She gave him a kiss where his heart lie and he started to settle down. Once he had moved them both back to lie on the bed with their heads resting against each other, she spoke softly to him.

"Baby, I love Stu just as much as you do, but perhaps the world does not feel the same way about him." She felt him start to struggle as he prepared to argue, so she placed her arm against him to hold him down. "I know that means that the world is stupid, but that's just the way it is."

Lex let out a puff of air before his spoke. "How many skinny pigs are there that are being trained to play both chess AND poker?"

"Well, maybe you should wait until he's proven that he can master those skills. Then, no one will have a reason to question his importance."

"If I wait, then someone else might write the article first. I can't let that happen."

"You are going to be the one who trained him. That is what is important, not who wrote the article first."

"But he's my" Lex stopped and could feel the sharp glare Chloe was shooting at him from where she rested on the bed. "Our…he's our skinny pig and we should be the ones to write the first articles about his brilliance. I can't believe that as a journalist, you don't want to be the person who is on the ground floor about this."

"Of course I want to be the first when it comes to outing Stu's abilities, but what can we do? It's not like we own…" She wasn't able to say anything else as Lex had already jumped up and moved towards the office.

She followed after him, trying to explain how impossible it was to buy out Wikipedia. "You can't do this, Lex. It's a nonprofit organization. You can't buy it. It's free to everyone."

However, Lex was already on the phone to his lawyers by the time she had reached the office. She could see that he was determined to get this done and nothing she said would change his mind, no matter how logical she was. As long as his megalomania made him happy, who was she to judge?

A half an hour later, he returned to the bedroom to inform her that they were now the proud owners of Wikipedia. It was still free to everyone and anyone could still edit it as they pleased as long as the two of them had final say so. He also made it so certain pages could not be deleted or edited unless done by one of them. Now, Stu would have his own personal page that would stand the test of time. Lex also told her that he changed the website name to Chlexipedia in their honor.

Chloe was tempted to tell him that the name made absolutely no sense when one thought about what Wikipedia does, but she didn't want to spoil the happy mood that Lex was currently having.

"I'm off to write more about Stu, Nosy, and the kids. Is there anything else you think I should add?"

Chloe gave it some thought and decided she might as well have some fun with their new acquisition. "Yeah, I believe that Lana cloned herself so she would have someone to love her unconditionally only to found out that the clone decided to be in love with itself."

"I'm on it!"

The End.


	4. WikiBumped

Disclaimers in Part 1.

WikiBumped

The Luthor and Littlefoot families had experienced much happiness over the year. Chloe had a relatively calm pregnancy and birthing experience. Certainly there had been yelling and the promise to damage some essential anatomy of Lex. She wasn't Katie Holmes.

But other than that, the only real problem came in preparation for the birth when the hospital refused to allow Stu, Nosy and the kids into the room. Lex had a fit and proclaimed that he would buy the hospital in order to change the rules. He stopped when Chloe explained that the doctors weren't being prejudice to guinea pigs, it just wasn't healthy. The doctor even had to promise to buy a skinny pig for her niece in order to get Lex to concede to the logical explanation.

After that, his suggestion of a home birth was immediately shot down by Chloe who wanted real doctors and drugs.

Of course there was also the problem of their daughter's new name. Lex had insisted on christening her Cavia Wikitoria Luthor in honor of their loveable pets who couldn't be present for the birth and the free encyclopedia that brought them together.

Chloe only agreed because Lex was being sentimental and she didn't want to push him to the point where he would sue for divorce and get sole custody of the pigs. He'd never take her child away from her, but the piggies were a different story all together.

Plus she had convinced him to use the nickname Tory to prevent teasing when it came time for her to enter school. Of course the idea of their precious daughter leaving home and going to school had forced Lex into such a state of despair that Chloe had to remind him that the girl was just a few hours old.

During the months of Chloe's pregnancy, Nosy had given birth to two more litters. Lex refused to give any of the babies away, even when Chloe promised that he could do background checks on perspective owners. He cited that a family needed to stay together and the babies needed both of their parents.

Lex had gotten very lucky due to that statement, but Stu was forced to live in a separate cage to give Nosy a much needed rest. At least this time, he had Ben and some of his other male pups to keep him company.

Lex chose to work from home so he could be near his family and only went into the office or made business trips when absolutely necessary. He did own the company, so he could make the rules. Besides, the only reason he was a workaholic before was because he didn't have a family and now he did. He loved not having to wait for the end of the day before he could see Chloe. He wouldn't miss one moment of Tory's development. He made sure that Stu's chess and poker skills were still up to snuff. And he never felt guilty when he'd stop work for the day to see what was new on Chlexipedia.

For the most part, the site was still the same. Except that he had set up a filter for keywords on subjects that could not be created, edited or deleted without his approval. Among these were his, Chloe's, Tory's, Stu's, Nosy's, Ben's, Mandy's, the newest members of the Littlefoots' names and guinea pigs and skinny pigs in general.

Upon checking the updates, he found that a submission for the skinny pig page had been made. Which read as such:

_These things are the ugliest things I've ever seen. Who would want a pet that does not have long beautiful hair like mine? And it bit me! It must be evil if it wants to bite me. I bet they are all meteor freaks and from Smallville which is why they tried to kill me. I know baldness is an effect of the meteors that killed my parents. We need to get rid of all these evil things that do harm to me and remind me of that terrible time in my life. Except for my meteor rock necklace, I can keep that because I've suffered so much._

Even if Lex hadn't installed the illegal tracking devices for web servers or if she hadn't chosen such an uncreative screenname as LanaLang, Lex still would have known who the poster was. He went in search of his wife to explain the situation and plot their revenge.

* * *

"Are you sure this will work?" Lex asked for what Chloe was certain for the twentieth time that hour. 

"Lex, I know you like to think you are an evil genius, but I know what will push Lana over the edge. Now just relax, keep to the plan, and Lana will suffer for what she said about Stu. I promise." Chloe gave him a kiss and pushed him towards the sound proof room where the piggies were currently hiding. She didn't want to let Lana in her home but sacrifices had to be made and for this to work Lana couldn't know about their choice of pets.

She quickly checked to make sure everything was in place. She may have gone overboard with the candles, but it added to the atmosphere. The board was centered on the table. "Lex! Let's check to make sure the remote for the oracle works!"

Back in the hidden room, her partner in crime looked at his monitor and toggled the remote to spell out "Chloe is a sex goddess" on the Ouija board.

"Thank you but you don't have to try so hard. We're both going to get victory sex when this works. Now check the sound system and the smoke machine."

When everything was in working order, they checked to make sure that Tory was still sleeping soundly. Soon after, they heard a knock at the door and Lex left to hide back in the secret room.

Chloe had barely opened the door when Lana rushed through without saying hello. "Okay, let's get started. I can't wait to talk to my parents again."

It hadn't taken much effort to manipulate Lana into the idea of a séance. Just one lunch and by the end, Lana had believed it was her idea. Of course, she prided herself on being so smart and open to new ideas.

Chloe was happy that she didn't have to make inane small talk and they could start right away, but she was pissed that Lana hadn't even thought to ask about Tory. However, this was for the best. Tory deserved to live in a world where she never had to experience the poison of Lana's presence.

"Sit down and we can start to commune with the other realm." She led Lana to the table, then lit the candles and turned off the lights.

"Take my hands, close your eyes, and concentrate on your parents. Think of your happiness memory of them."

Lana seemed to be experiencing pain while she tried to think. "I don't really remember much. I was only three when they died."

Chloe wanted to snark that then maybe Lana shouldn't have been so devastated but she kept quiet and said, "Then just try to think about how happy they made you and don't speak. Too many voices will block the connection." That and she didn't want to hear Lana's whining voice anymore.

Chloe took some deep breaths and tried those fake relaxation techniques that she had seen on countless psychic programs. "Spirits, oh spirits, come to me. We wish to speak to the dead. We wish to speak the parents of Lana Lang. Are you with us, spirits?"

At that moment, Lex started the fog machine and began toggling the remote.

Since Chloe had never bothered to close her eyes, she knew exactly when to tell Lana to open her eyes. "Lana! Look!" She pointed to the Ouija board where the oracle had started moving.

Lana began saying the letters. "W. E. R. H. E. R.E. What does werhere mean?"

Chloe rolled her eyes both at Lana's stupidity and Lex's laziness. It was just two more letters for Pete's sake. "I think they mean 'We are here.' Are you Lana's parents?" The pointer moved to the 'yes' option. "Do you have anything you want to say to Lana?" The pointer circled around the 'yes' option. "You may speak freely here."

At that moment, Lex played the prerecorded message. It was too much effort to write everything out through the board. A manipulated voice with a spooky edge filled the room. "Lana, we are happy to be here. We had planned to give you up for adoption because you were such an annoying child. You always wanted us to tell you how pretty you were and how much you were loved. We couldn't stand it anymore. The meteor was actually going to miss us, but we made the move to make sure it pancaked us. Please stop trying to contact us. We don't want you. You were a mistake made during that time that I spent away from your father. That's what you always represented. You were not meant to happen."

Lex turned off the fog machine and the player. In the main room, Chloe had turned on the lights and blew out the candles while Lana had set there stunned. "Lana, are you going to be okay?" She was worried that she would have to sit through another bout of Lana's sob story.

"They didn't want me." Lana said this in disbelief but then, as she was prone to do, her emotion quickly changed to anger. "Well if they didn't want me, then I'm going to make sure they suffer."

"What are you going to do?" Chloe tried her best to keep the hope out of her voice but she suspected she wasn't doing a good job.

"I'm going to make sure they are stuck with me for the rest of their lives!" Lana declared with conviction.

"They're dead."

"Well, forever then." She got out of her seat, opened the door and didn't look back.

Lex opened his door and smiled at Chloe. "How long do you think we'll have to wait?"

"Not too long, when Lana wants to do something, she does it without giving it enough thought to realize how dumb it is. When she leaves the building, she'll probably step out in front of a bus, so she can go to the grave thinking the bus is to blame for being in her way."

Sure enough, Lana's death had made the humor news portion of Chlexipedia because she had stayed alive just long enough to talk about buses powered by meteor rocks bent on killing her.

The End


	5. WikiBeast

AN: If you are enjoying this craziness and are a member of NS, then please join us in the shoutbox. If you are enjoying it and are not a member then please ask me and I'll be happy to send you an email with the site address so you can have fun in the shoutbox where these cray ideas are discussed. This story takes place between WikiBumped and WikiBlessed.

WikiBeast

Chloe had just put Tory down for her nap when she passed Lex's office. She noticed he was typing furiously on his computer which could only mean one thing.

"Who's been spreading lies on Chlexipedia today?" Chloe knew it was best to humor her husband when he was in one of these moods.

Lex didn't even bother to look up from the screen. "Some science freak with the random screen name of Landslide claims werewolves can't have chocolate."

Chloe decided not to take a stance just yet but she knew from his words what Lex's opinion on the matter was. "Did this Landslide person give a reason?"

"Apparently because chocolate is poisonous to dogs and dogs are descended from wolves, and werewolves have wolf characteristics chocolate would be bad for werewolves."

Chloe said her next statement slowly knowing it might anger him. "Logically, that makes sense."

Immediately, Lex looked over at her with the expression that she was as crazy as the werewolf heretic. "I'm not denying that Chloe but it doesn't matter when it comes to werewolves. These are werewolves; logic isn't the first thing on anyone's mind when it comes to these stories."

Chloe steeled herself for the upcoming argument. "True but if you want to put some science into the story then why shouldn't it matter? Werewolves have wolf characteristics like good hearing and sight even when they are in pure human for, shouldn't it be reasonable that they get the bad effects as well?"

"They all ready have to deal with the pain of shape shifting, and people thinking they are terrible beings. On top of everything else, you want to take away the one of those certain things that can make people happy if they are having a bad day? When a day sucks and the world thinks you are a horrible person, you can always come home knowing your wife, child, and guinea pigs will love you no matter what. No matter if you are a werewolf. They will welcome you with open arms and a variety of delicious chocolates to put a smile on your face."

By the end of his speech, Lex was standing at his desk and Chloe was certain that if there had been a chocolate anthem, it would be playing in the background. She could almost picture behind Lex a waving flag of a werewolf with a chocolate bar in his mouth.

She released her bright smile that had been threatening to spill out as soon as she entered the room. "I know and I fully support the idea that all werewolves love and are able to eat chocolate. I love it when you get so passionate about your ideals. It's just too difficult not to tease you when you get in rant mode about this side."

Lex grunted and sat back down to finish his work saying nothing more about the subject. Chloe knew she couldn't let him stew over this all day. "It's very sexy seeing you like this."

Lex had not stopped typing but Chloe noticed that he slyly shot a look in her direction. She continued, "You just seem very feral like this. Really gets to me."

At this Lex ceased typing and turned his head to her. She knew she had him but she needed to add the last bit. "I could really go for you and some chocolate syrup right now."

Lex slammed down the laptop. "I've finished my work here. You get ready and I'll grab the syrup. Do you want me to bring anything else?"

"Yeah, I've got a craving for a potato."

"Chips?"

"No. Just a regular potato."

Lex knew this could put a hold on his chocolate filled sex life but he had to ask. "Why?"

"I've been wondering what it would be like to be one." She answered nonchalantly.

Against his better judgment, his curiosity won over. "You mean turn into one? Like a weretato?"

"Yeah."

"They aren't feral. There is nothing cool about turning into a potato."

"They can stare at you in a feral-like manner with their eyes." Chloe pointed to her eyes as if this made her point more logical.

"If I agree with you, can I have sex now?"

"Yes. And don't forget the potato." She said as she turned into their bedroom.

Lex ran to the kitchen and eagerly found the chocolate sauce. With some effort, he figured out where they kept the potatoes and grabbed one. He stared at the tuber and thought about how his wife matched him perfectly when it came to being odd.

As he entered their room, he noted. "I bet you'd be the sexiest weretato in the world and when you shifted into tater form I'd make you a bed butter and sour cream. And if I were in wolf from, I wouldn't eat you because I'd only want chocolate."

The End


	6. WikiBlood

Summary: Recent developments have prompted Chloe to add to everyone's favorite internet encyclopedia. Takes place sometime between WikiBigotry and WikiBlessed.

**WARNING!: If you like the Twilight series and do not wish to see it mocked, then DON'T READ THIS! If you like Twilight, don't wish to see it mocked, want to write a scathing review, and are not prepared to begin a vicious back & forth of opinions in which you will never change my mind, then DON'T READ THIS! If you like Twilight, don't wish to see it mocked, want to write a scathing review, are prepared for a battle of opinions then let's cut to the chase: You'll defend Twilight; I'll defend my opinions; you'll make some comment about the book or literature in general that I'll grudgingly accept; I'll make some comment about the book or literature in general that you'll grudgingly accept. In the end, neither of us will change our minds, so let's not waste precious time on something that isn't going to matter in the years to come, least not to me. That said, I look forward to all of your remarks.  
**

WikiBlood

Finding his wife feverishly tapping on the keyboard late into the night was not odd for Lex. On nights when Chloe was fast approaching a deadline, he would awake to find himself alone in bed. Dutifully, he would get up, join her in the office, refill her coffee cup when necessary, and wait for her to finish. He learned quickly never to try and take her away from the computer lest he risk his most precious limb.

However, he knew that this night Chloe wasn't working on an article…at least not for any newspaper. No, all day she'd been complaining and threatening to do something and sure enough when Lex cautiously glanced at the monitor, there was the Chlexipedia site.

Now, Lex was man enough to admit he could be jealous of what his wife referred to as 'fictional boyfriends.' Neither of them could have a proposed 'freebie list' simply because it was too likely in their world to meet some such celebrity. Not that he believed, given the chance, Chloe would sleep with another person, but he certainly wasn't stupid enough to allow such a risk.

Still, while he griped when Chloe drooled over certain men, he did his best to keep his envious behavior at bay so as not to ruin her fantasies. Not too much though because he was fairly certain that as much as Chloe protested, she also secretly liked his possessiveness. Reflected in the fact that many of those fictional character boyfriends shared some feral quality.

So when _People_ magazine's annual "Sexiest Man Alive" issue arrived at the penthouse, he went through his typical grunting meanwhile thinking nothing out of the ordinary would come from this year's subject matter. Chloe would make the pressing comment that he should have been included, if not be the cover story. He would complain about how unprofessional that would be and only something his playboyish competitors like Wayne and Queen would do. Secretly, however he was thrilled that his wife still found him sexy.

So for another year, nothing would change except that he might be forced into producing an Australian accent thanks ever so much to Hugh Jackman. This was of course until Chloe was done with the main article and began flipping through the rest of the magazine. And he thought the worst he'd have to endure was her incessant need to smell the scratch and sniff photo of Taye Diggs.

When she found the article entitled "Sexiest Vampire," her anger was unstoppable. Normally, he found her passion exciting, but since he knew this couldn't possibly end in bed, he tried everything to keep her mind off the subject. Even gratefully went back to Taye's page, but alas no luck.

So here he was…at two in the morning…looking over his wife's shoulder as she typed an article on Chlexipedia about the World's Sexiest Vampire. He didn't need to look at the picture to know who she picked. He certainly donned a similar long, black leather duster enough during role-play to know.

Lex glanced over at the peroxide blonde cardboard standee his wife insisted on purchasing. He had won a hard fought battle when he refused to allow it in their bedroom. He couldn't get dressed with a realistic looking figure seemingly watching him, let alone do anything more interesting.

Turning back to his wife, he saw that not only was there a complete history of Spike's life posted on the site, but also a discussion questioning why _People_ chose to cater to a fad instead of actually getting long-standing public opinion…an argument that he had heard in detail when Chloe had called the editor earlier in the day. She blasted the magazine for choosing an unkempt, tween-thrilling man-child over other actors with more talent, charisma, and sex appeal and vampires with much more enticing qualifications. If she couldn't convince them of her beloved Spike, she would have taken Angel, Lestat, Louis, even Gerard Butler's horrible rendition of Dracula. At this point, he was sure she'd find _Nosferatu_'s Count Orlok more appealing than any _Twilight_ vampire.

Sure enough, also in her article were reasons as to why _Twilight_ should not be included in the vampire lore. Even Lex chuckled at the thought of vampires sparkling rather than burning to dust in daylight. Frankly, if he was a vampire, he'd rather burn than sparkle. That could in no way be considered manly or sexy.

Chloe had attempted to read through the first book, but even if she could get through the pointless monotony in the beginning, she could never accept the unrealistic characters. As stated in the critique:

_What is sexy or realistic about a century old virgin vampire? Vampires might be plausible. Virgin vampires…not so much. Why would anyone over a hundred years old continue to go to high school just because they looked the part? What could possibly be non repulsive about a pedophiliac master vampire who vamps teenagers? Is that what we want to teach our children? Go out and find a dirty old man to keep you in puberty forever!?_

Likewise, quirkiness and character flaws were something that she loved in literature but not in the obvious "Look at me! I'm different!" way. Andthe fact that the main character supposedly loved a so called 'bad boy', who wasn't at all bad, was appalling to any real gripping love story with challenging problems. She compared it to if Lana had fallen for Lex, not because of any real piece of his personality, but because he was perceived to be bad. Then if Lana had seen any of Lex's true questionable nature, which he had in spades over Edward, she'd never be able to accept it. The mere thought of a relationship with Lana had Lex insisting that Chloe never make that point to him again if he was to keep from having nightmares.

The only woman Lex ever need be in love with him was Chloe. For she loved and accepted his faults, never expected or wanted him to change, and definitely considered him sexy…non sparkleness and all.

Overall, the article wasn't saying much of anything different than any other critic had said before, but it made his wife feel better. As the intensity of Chloe's writing continued, Lex thought he better start the coffee now.

Perhaps even retrieve the black leather duster.

The End.


	7. WikiBlessed

Disclaimers in Part 1.

WikiBlessed

Cavia Wikitoria Luthor, better known as Tory, lives a blessed life. Most would say this is because she is the oldest child of Lex and Chloe Luthor. Some would say it is because she has never known the horror of having Lana Lang in her life. But only a privileged few know the truth is due to where she lives.

There is nothing truly special about Smallville but on the edge of town is the Luthor mansion that has been a guinea pig plantation for the last nine years.

Lex and Chloe moved back to Smallville after Tory turned one because more space was needed for their growing piggy population. Lex still refused to give away even one of the pigs on the off chance that some sneaky prospective owner actually cooked traditional Peruvian cuisine.

A detailed description of the current Luthor property can be found on Chlexipedia. It has a fifty acre wire pig pen where all the guineas sleep comfortably during the spring and summer months. The guinea pen is kept cool during the day and warm at night. The area is filled with wood shavings and huge wooden homes. Food and water troughs are located throughout the pen so no pig has to travel too far. Exercise wheels are also available for those pigs that choose to use them.

A separate area is set up for the skinnies. This fifty acre pig pen is surrounded in special glass so that the sun is not harmful and is cooled to the perfect temperature so they do not overheat.

Every day, the guineas and skinnies have a chance to mingle and for those lucky few who choose to cross the lines of furriness and baldness, there is another fifty acre piece of land for the mixed families to prosper.

The Olympic sized, one foot deep swimming pool is supervised daily by a team of Navy SEALs to prevent drowning.

When the weather turns cooler, all piggies are brought into the mansion and occupy the second floor which had been converted to a large open area with all the comforts of their outdoor homes.

Of course the patriarch and matriarch of the family, Stu and Nosy, live in the Luthor mansion year round. Their home is located on the third floor in the room next to Lex and Chloe. Ben, having become Tory's favorite piggy lives with his family in Tory's room. Mandy's family currently resides in Lex and Chloe's son's room.

Though Lex was eager to increase his family as soon as Chloe was physically able, Chloe insisted on waiting at least two years. When their son was born, Chloe wanted to call him Charles with the idea being that he would be nicknamed Chip, but Lex absolutely refused. They settled on naming him Andrew.

Sadly the piggies would not live forever and Lex didn't want them to because hanging on past one's prime would just seem pathetic. However, he did want them to age naturally if that natural aging could be prolonged. He calculated that with a healthy diet and the special vitamins that his scientists had formulated, the piggies could live a longer, fuller life. It would be difficult when he finally had to say goodbye to his small pals, but with any luck, he, Chloe, Stu and Nosy could all go at the same time.

After Nosy's fifth litter, Lex and Chloe made the decision to give Stu a vasectomy and Nosy tubal ligation, so that they could spend the rest of their lives without being separated and risking a traumatic pregnancy. This option was better than neutering and spaying because they did not have the heart to decrease their tiny friends' sexual appetites.

Tory lived her entire life so far with the piggies and knew that she would gladly spend the rest of her life helping to care for the tiny creatures. As a baby, she crawled after Stu and Nosy and their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, great great-grandchildren, great great great-grandchildren and so on.

When she was three, she was allowed to carefully hold the pigs with her parents constantly watching. Being a child, she of course had some difficulties in knowing how to properly hold them, but her parents were always patient and understanding. They never yelled or punished her, just showed her the methods again and praised her whenever she did something right. And the piggies always forgave her if she dropped them because it would only be a few inches and pillows were wisely placed underneath any space that she was doing the holding.

By the age of five, she could set the food and water bowls out herself. She was allowed to play and watch the piggies without constant supervision from her parents.

Now at age ten, she was responsible for making sure all the piggies on the property were happy and healthy. When her Grandpa Gabe visited, would tell him all about which piggies were born, which ones were married, had babies, and learned new tricks. He dutifully and excitedly listened as she regaled with the tale of how she trained Cuy to master Free Cell and was now working on Spider Solitaire.

She had asked her father is he could play poker with Stu, Ben and the other boys, but her dad had warned her that Cuy didn't know how to bluff yet and still shook his butt any time he had a good hand. He would need more training before he could handle playing with the big boys.

Her other grandfather was not allowed back in the mansion since a disastrous event occurred when she was six.

Lionel had tried to impart his wisdom on Lex and Chloe's curious hobby and brought what he considered an appropriate gift of sorts. However, he had not taken the time to really get to know the importance of the piggies to the younger Luthors. If he had, he would have thought twice before intruding.

Lionel brought a chestnut colored furry male Texel with him. He didn't have a name picked out so Lex suggested Scrooge McDuck. Lionel, however, did not fine this name to be regal enough so instead called him Leon. He thought this extremely curly, long-haired guinea pig would be the perfect addition to his son's latest obsession. He considered the fact that all of the pigs on the plantation were either short haired or bald was just an oversight on his son's part.

He did not listen as both Lex and Chloe protested when he picked up the pig and placed it in Stu and Nosy's cage. Immediately the dark furred pig scurried over to Nosy. He swayed side to side and made a rumbling sound.

Lex had started to make his way to the cage when Chloe held him back and insisted he wait to see how the piggies handled the situation.

Nosy had started gnashing her teeth when Leon got to close. Chloe commented that is sounded like she was telling Leon to wash his hair and get a haircut. Nosy followed this noise by squealing and chirping. Stu came to his mate's defense by standing between her and the interloper. He bit Leon which made the pig start backing himself into a corner. Stu continued to bite the fiend. Nosy soon joined in the fight by tugging at his long fur.

Soon the only noise heard was Leon's shrieking. By the time Lionel was able to get to the pig, it was cowering in a fetal position in the corner. Patches of its fur littered the bottom of the cage. Stu and Nosy decided to celebrate their victory by retreating into their wooden home and use their energy in an entirely different way.

After Lionel had placed Leon back in his travel cage, he looked over Lex who was giving him his trademark smirk. Lionel grumbled and left the mansion without a word but everyone knew that Stu and Nosy's victory was also a victory for Lex over Lionel. From that moment on, Lionel only spoke to his son at work and dutifully asked about Chloe, Tory and Drew, but not about the pigs. Never about the pigs.

Even though Tory did not know her paternal grandfather well, she still believed she lived a blessed life because whenever he was around he only talked about _The Art of War_ and the best way to achieve new companies. All in all, time spent with him was rather boring, so the less time she had to, the better.

She would much rather spend her time watching the piggies and being thankful for where she lives. She knows that anyone lucky enough to care for a guinea pig is truly blessed.

The End


	8. WikiBroadcast

Disclaimer: I do not own or have any affiliation with YouTube, Bobby Flay, Lauren Cooper, Charlie the Unicorn, Madonna, or the characters of Smallville. I do own Tory.

Summary: Lex's obsession with YouTube may have gone too far. Takes place between WikiBlood and WikiBlessed

WikiBroadcast

Chloe walked into her home finding her daughter in the living room watching cartoons and her husband in the kitchen cooking dinner. She loved when Lex cooked as he always had amazingly delicious recipes stored in his brain, most learned straight from well known chefs throughout various countries. And from the smell, she knew tonight's feast would be another winner.

"What smells so wonder…" she cut herself short when she noticed several cans of Vienna sausage lining the countertop. "Um…_babe_?" She only used that term when she found his actions to be unbelievable so she knew he was paying attention when he looked at her with a questioning glance. "What's with all the bomb shelter rations?"

Lex smiled as if had just beaten his father at acquiring a new company, so she knew if she pushed too hard she would break his heart. She wisely made the decision to approach this conversation carefully.

"I was watching this old episode of Bobby Flay's on YouTube, and he was demonstrating how you could make incredible dishes with everyday food in your cupboards so I thought I'd give it a try." He was actually bouncing around the kitchen and waving his arms around as he explained so she knew he was really excited about this idea.

Chloe tried to give him her best 'I'm really happy for you even if it's killing me' smile, "That's great, but I thought you had given up on YouTube after they refused to publish your video of the piggies using Madonna's 'Cherish?"

Lex bent down to check the oven while saying, "I fixed that problem this morning."

"What do you mean you fixed?" she asked but before he could answer, she had figured it out on her own. "You didn't? You bought Youtube!"

"Now, Chloe, I know you are going to say that I'm just being my megalomaniac self, but it really was a wise investment. Do you know how many people are going to be happy again now that they don't have to worry about breaking third party copyright laws or some nonsense like that?" He gathered her in his arms and started kissing her neck hoping she'd just go with the feelings and forget about what he'd done.

She, however, was not going to let him distract her. She wasn't going to stop the kissing but it wouldn't make her forget…much. "Just because you bought it doesn't mean you've gotten rid of the copyright problems. Wow that feels really good."

Lex's hands traveled up his wife's back, thankful that their daughter was absorbed with the television and paying them no attention. "I've offered all artists a premium for the use of their music and provided links to downloading their songs or anything else they want for the right to use the music. They get paid and get air play, users get their videos untarnished, advertisers pay for their links, and LexCorp gets great publicity. Everyone wins!"

"And I assume you've changed the name to ChlexTube or something," she said really hoping he hadn't, one website was more than enough for their egos.

Lex shook his head, "Actually, I'm keeping the name because I still want the concept that this is the people's video channel." He went back to stirring what looked like the sausages in a pot which reminded Chloe of the original problem.

"Fine, but don't you think you're spending too much time on there. I mean, it doesn't have to affect every aspect of our lives." She thought maybe she was a bit harsh but Lex needed to hear it straight, and she prepared herself for his rebuttal.

"What do you mean? I'm not on it all the time and I don't let it interfere with our lives!" He spent maybe a half an hour to an hour on the site every day tops. At most three hours. And he was positive he could stop watching if he wanted. There were just a lot of funny videos that had to be seen…and rated…and commented on…favored. Many people had said his channel was the best and he was proud.

"Please! You showed Tory episodes of _Charlie the Unicorn_ because you said it was educational." She was really upset to find them watching the video together. He should have at least told her what he was planning so she could make him see reason.

"That was! Now, she knows not to go off with strangers who promise a way to a Candy Mountain. And no one will be able to steal her kidney." He felt really good about himself when he came up with that excuse. Truth was he just found the video to be really funny and couldn't wait to show someone but Chloe wasn't home at the time.

Chloe rolled her eyes. "All she did was spend the next few weeks saying 'Shun the non-believer!' And she knew full well not to follow strangers long before that."

Lex became really quiet and refused to look at her as he concentrated on the food. Chloe knew that perhaps she had gone too far. "Lex, baby, I'm sorry. You know I'm not implying you're a bad father or anything. I know how much you love Tory and want to protect her and bond with her. I just think it was a little too advanced for her." She walked up behind him and pressed herself against him while wrapping her arms around him. She whispered to him, "I love you so much and Tory is the luckiest child in the world to have you as a father. Please don't be mad at me."

Lex took a deep breath before saying, "I ain't bovvered."

Chloe laughed knowing this was their special phrase to let the other know that they were forgiven, but that just made her argument about spending too much time on YouTube for her. "Okay, but I think you should keep the Lauren Cooperisms to just us from now on. Clark didn't take you saying "Bite me Alien Boy!" too well."

Lex shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah, I don't know why he got so riled up over that, I was only joking."

"Well, obviously he doesn't share in our excellent sense of humor. What are you making for dinner anyway?" Chloe asked as she looked into the pot.

"Chicken Relleno, and I think it should be noted that if I'm addicted to YouTube, you are addicted to ." Lex smirked at her knowing he was right.

Chloe scoffed, "that's different. All those articles are hilarious. Not everything on YouTube is good." She was so mad that he brought her favorite hobby into this conversation that she couldn't resist adding, "And at least I don't make dinner with tiny 50 cent worth processed meat!"

She knew she had created more damage than was expected when Lex couldn't hide his surprise. "Chlexipedia says these are a gourmet delicacy!"

She winced knowing the blow up she was about to cause. She spoke softly, admitting "I wrote that as a joke just to see if you would believe it."

Lex stepped away from the stove in horror of what he had been cooking, and he moved out of the kitchen and further away from his wife. "I can't believe you would mess with the site's integrity like that! I need to be alone for a while." He headed to his office.

Chloe called after him, "Lex, please wait."

But he stopped only to hold up his hand and shout "Shuuuuuuuuuuuuun!" to her.

Chloe went about finishing the dinner and decided to let Lex have his drama queen moment. She knew he would forgive her if he ever wanted her to star in any future videos that would never have a chance of appearing on YouTube.

The End.


	9. WikiBest

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

WikiBest

Chloe stepped into Lex's study to find him yet again updating Chlexipedia. "It's been a while since you visited Stu's page. I was starting to get worried."

Lex was appalled by the implication. "What do you mean? I never stopped loving Stu or Nosy or any of the babies."

She quickly stepped behind her husband to hold him in a comforting embrace. "I know. I would never suggest that. Just that for the last few months you've been working on other pages. Like that one about the gerbil called 'The Surgeon' that supposedly has a time machine or the hamsters who have a love-hate relationship."

"I've only been reading the pages. I haven't added anything to them. And I will always come back to Stu and Nosy." He didn't think it was the right time to mention that the hamsters were more interesting than she had made them seem. After all, one of the hamsters was in fact a vampire-hamster who initially wanted to kill the other hamster which was chosen to slay vampire-hamsters before realizing he was in love with her. The relationship appealed to him on some level. And he really didn't like that annoying, dark, broody vampire-hamster that first dated the vampire-hamster slayer. But Chloe was wrong, he wasn't obsessed and he wasn't letting it interfere with his guinea pigs' pages.

"I know you will. Let me see what you're working on." She read the new paragraph Lex had added under Stu's Awards & Honors section.

_Stu easily bested the competition in Metropolis' Annual Guinea Pig Show including Oliver Queen's much touted 'archery-skilled' guinea pig Robin. Stu impressed the judges with his chess, billiards, and poker skills, while Robin's lone skill proved adequate at best. A dangerous skill in such incapable paws would only lead to horrible circumstances if the pet was allowed to breed. Perhaps Mr. Queen should pay more attention to preparing Robin for quality familial relations and less time on perfecting his appearance. _

"Lex, you can't publish that!"

"Why not? It's true. Stu did beat him, and Queen shouldn't have suggested that you let Nosy breed with his second rate guinea pig. The mere suggestion that Nosy would want anyone but Stu or that Stu couldn't satisfy her is insulting," Lex scowled.

"I believe you made your point quite clear when you punched Oliver in the face and told him to keep his dirty piggy away from Nosy. Therefore, you don't have to do this." She folded her arms and stared him down.

"I just think the public should be informed." He wasn't going to let her make him drop the issue so easily.

"Lex," she warned.

"He said Stu couldn't win because he looked odd with no fur." His voice was quieter, but filled with anger.

She didn't want to admonish him because Lex was worried about this very fact when they first approached the notion to enter the contest. Truthfully, she had wanted to punch Oliver herself for being so cruel, but there were principles involved. "Lex," she stated softly this time.

"He tried to mess with my family," he stated firmly. Business was one thing, but no one messed with a man's wife, children, or guinea pigs.

Chloe released a sigh. "If he didn't know before how wrong he was, then he certainly knows now. But this isn't what Chlexipedia is about. We report the facts and there is no evidence to suggest Robin would not be a good piggie father. He just won't be one to any of Nosy's children. You can promote Stu's accomplishments without stooping to some childish level."

After wavering for a few minutes, Lex acquiesced and deleted the paragraph so he could create a new one. He would allow Chloe to believe he had calm down for now. And if in a few months, Oliver Queen and his guinea pig mysteriously disappeared, well then they would just have to chalk that one up to coincidence.

Chloe kissed him and said, "So you're still planning to attend the regional competition in Gotham next month, yes?"

Lex nodded. "There is a costume competition, and Wayne claims to have the best costume for his guinea, but I know Stu and I can beat them."

Chloe smiled and left to make a call. Bruce should be warned to watch what he might say around Lex.

The End.


End file.
